All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
政府应该做的就是保持税收和法规在可控范围内，保持一支像样的常备军，让路。
My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
我妈妈靠的是福利和偶尔的食品券，但我从来没有参加过任何政府项目，即使是那些像教育、奖学金之类的工作，我也做得很好。
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
我有一个我非常爱的女儿，我雇佣女人，我和女人共事过，我从来没有和女人有过争执。
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
我喜欢我的父母，但他们不是好父母。他们是很好的人。我不想伤害他们的感情。
If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
如果你在好莱坞很保守的话，你会被列在需要取代他们的人的名单上。
If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
如果在1989年我说，‘我有一个想法：瓶装水然后卖掉。’。他们会用一个巨大的蝴蝶网追着我。花钱看电视台也一样。
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
为什么你认识的搞笑男人比搞笑小妞多，是因为男人比小妞更搞笑。如果我女儿的幽默感一般，我就告诉她，‘做一个情景喜剧的编剧吧。因为他们会雇佣你，他们不会真的解雇你，你也不必生产那么多。会很棒的。”
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
嗯，如果你想充满爱国主义精神和活力，邮局可能不是你想去的地方。
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
我会做饭。我做了一道匈牙利菜，叫鸡肉辣椒酱，这是世界上独一无二的。我要提醒你们所有的读者，不必每晚都在泰国和墨西哥之间。每隔一段时间扔些匈牙利菜。你不会后悔的。好的，固体的农民食物。